Lifestyle

“Though the road’s been rocky, it sure feels good to me.”
?Bob Marley

About a decade ago my grandmother, a woman whom I respected and cherished dearly, turned eighty years old.  I’ve written about her before, but I’ll do her justice once again by restating that she was one of the wisest and most humble people I’ve ever known.  Although a bit soft-spoken, every time she did speak priceless wisdom rattled the eardrums of those lucky enough to be around.

On the evening of her eightieth birthday, in a moment of genuine humility but obvious self-doubt she asked me, “Marc, at my age, do you think I still matter?  Do you think I still have more to achieve?”  I was completely speechless and I stumbled over my words for several seconds.  Here I am in the presence of someone whom I have an undying respect for, and she’s asking me whether or not she matters.

I finally collected myself and said, “Grandma, yes – 110% yes!  You matter and you still have a lot to look forward to.  I’m not telling you this because I love you, but because it’s the truth.  As time rolls on you will prove this truth to yourself, and I will be there to support you every step of the way.”

My grandmother sat silently for a moment, smiled and replied, “Thank you dear.  I needed to hear that.  I’m honestly looking forward to the journey ahead.”

Over the course of the next decade, until she finally passed away at 90, my grandmother lived intently and joyously.  She wrote, painted, volunteered at hospitals and community centers, and learned several new skills (my favorite of which was playing the piano).  And of course, she remained a beacon of wisdom to everyone around her.

Her moment of self-doubt always stuck with me though and I still think about it from time to time.  Now, all these years later, I realize that people in all walks of life lose hope every day – sometimes for just a few minutes and sometimes for prolonged periods of time.

What’s most important is to remember that, regardless of our specific situation, there’s always hope to be found.  While we’re alive there’s always something meaningful left to experience and appreciate.  Here are some thoughts on what we all still have to live for…

1.  The power of now.

Every moment is equally special.  Every moment is a gift.

Your life is not between the moments of your birth and death.  Your life is between now and your next breath.  The present moment is all the life there ever is.

Your entire lifespan is simply composed of ‘right nows.’  The best is not in front of you or behind you.  It’s within you always in each moment.

So my challenge to you is this:  Open your eyes.  Wake up.  Be attentive.  Appreciate this moment for what it is.  Regard the present as another chance to enjoy the sights, sounds, smells and sensations life has to offer.  Enjoy the big things that we often mistake as little things.  Read 1,000 Little Things.

2.  Your ability to learn something new.

Gandhi once said, “Live as if you were to die tomorrow.  Learn as if you were to live forever.”  What this means to me in the simplest of terms:  Every day is a gift, and the gift is learning.

Be a student of life.  Indulge in it, learn from it and absorb all the knowledge you can.  The purpose of your life is to live it in full, to experience it to the utmost, to reach out with an open mind for the newest and richest experience being offered at the time.

3.  Knowing you gave it your best shot.

Don’t be afraid of death; be afraid of leaving the rest of your life unlived.  You don’t have to live forever; you just have to live passionately right now while you have a chance.  Keep in mind that life hasn’t afforded everyone this chance.  You have been gifted a priceless opportunity.

Forget about how you thought things were supposed to be.  Just because some things didn’t work out as you had expected, or didn’t happen as fast as you thought they would, is no excuse to give up on yourself.  Time passes one way or the other.  Do what you need to do so that, at the very least, you can look back someday and say, “I gave life my best shot.”  Read Tuesdays with Morrie.

4.  The wisdom and strength you have within you.

Human beings don’t become wise by reading books – they become educated.  Living out experiences firsthand in the real world, one day at a time, is what gives birth to wisdom.  Ultimately wisdom is what you get when you test out the waters for yourself.  This kind of life experience is the most valuable asset you own.

Sometimes on the road to acquiring wisdom life will beat you down, but you have to stand back up.  Because nothing is more beautiful and powerful than a soul who has weather and grown through life’s difficulties.  Don’t regret your time, even the moments that were filled with hurt.  Smile because you learned from it all and because you gained enough strength to rise above it all.

In the end, it’s not what you have been through that matters; it’s how you got through it that defines your life and your legacy.

5.  The positive difference you can make.

Learn to give, even if it’s just a smile, not because you have too much, but because you know there are so many others out there who feel like they have nothing at all.  You always have the ability to be kind, and kindness really does make the world a better place.

Smile at people who look like they’re having a rough day.  Give them a hand if you’re able.  Kindness is the only investment that never fails, and wherever there’s another human being there’s an opportunity for kindness.

As a bonus, when you’re kind to others and bring happiness into their lives, you will not be able to keep it from yourself either.  Read The How of Happiness.

6.  You are worthy.

The greatest thinking trap is self-rejection.  When you begin to believe the negative voices in your head that sometimes call you worthless, then the thought of leaving this world can seem like an attractive option.  What you need to realize is: these negative voices are lies.

As soon as someone accuses you or criticizes you, as soon as you are rejected, left alone, or abandoned for a short time, you might find yourself thinking, “Well, that proves once again that I am a nobody.”  What you need to realize is, these other people are NOT worthy of YOU.

Self-rejection is the greatest enemy of emotional growth because it contradicts the sacred inner voice that calls you “worthy.”  And being worthy constitutes the core truth of every human existence.

Say it out loud if you have to:  “This is my journey, and I am worthy of the trip.”

Closing thoughts.

As Hemingway so profoundly said, “It is good to have an end to journey toward; but it is the journey that matters, in the end.”

You may feel discouraged.  You may feel upset.  You may feel too old.  You may be sick.  You may be divorced.  You may be unemployed. You may be financially strapped.  You may be…  etc.

But you’re not dead – YOU ARE ALIVE.  Your journey is not over.

NO matter what, this simple fact alone is proof that you still have something meaningful to achieve.

Your turn…

What makes you feel most alive?  What gives your life meaning?  Leave us a comment below and let us know.

Photo by: Jhong Dizon

Don’t stress.  Do your very best.  Appreciate each step.  Forget the rest.

This post has moved to here:

Don’t Hesitate to Do These 8 Hard Things for Your Mental Health

Photo by: Kerry M (Stocksy)

“If only…”  These two little words paired together
create one of the saddest phrases imaginable.

Last week, in the last few hours of my cousin Jamie’s life, she told me her only regret was that she didn’t appreciate every year with the same passion and purpose that she has had in the last two years, after she was diagnosed with terminal cancer.  “I’ve accomplished so much recently,” she said.  “If I had only known, I would have started sooner.”

I shared this story, along with some advice on avoiding regret, in one of our recent “subscribers only” email newsletters.  Within 24 hours we received nearly 500 replies.  This inspired Marc and I to revisit the content, tailor it to some of the most popular questions and commentary we received, and share an enhanced version of our advice on avoiding regret with you here.

Honestly, my cousin’s words and passing have been a true wake-up call for us.  “Life is short” is only a cliché until you witness it firsthand.

You really have to make your journey count every single day, because the distance we each get to travel is a mystery.  One day, hopefully many moons from now, you will inevitably find yourself close to the end, and thinking about the beginning.  TODAY is that beginning.  TODAY is life.  Right now you have a priceless opportunity!  Forget the past.  Forget your age.  Today is the first day of the rest of your life.  At the end of it, let there be no excuses, no explanations, and no regrets.

Here are nine ideas to get you there…

1.  Be the leader of your own journey.

Can you remember who you were before the world told you who you should be?  Stop living for other people and their opinions.  Be true to YOU.

There are far too many capable people who don’t pursue their dreams and goals because they let their fears and others talk them out of it.  They give up before they even try, and simply let life’s river flow them downstream.  Choose to be stronger than that.  Choose to swim upstream when you have to.  Choose to do the things in life that move you.  Let others lead small lives.  Let others argue over small things.  Let others cry over small wounds.  Let others leave their future in someone else’s hands.  But not YOU.

2.  Take calculated risks.

There is no excuse for being an amateur forever.  Life is short.  The day is rapidly approaching when the risk to remain perched in your nest is far more detrimental than the risk it takes to fly.  Fly!  Spread your wings.  Start now.  What a disgrace it would be for you to grow old without ever seeing the beauty and strength of your full potential.

You don’t have to have it all figured out to move forward.  Just do the best you can until you know better.  Once you know better, do better.  (Read Start: Punch Fear in the Face.)

3.  Think you CAN.

If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.  And change breeds growth.  So when a goal seems big and a plan looks tough, just start, push through it for awhile, and soon the next thing you need to do will look possible.  Step by step you can get through anything – this is the truth and you have to believe it.  In the end, you’re going to succeed because you’re crazy enough to think you can.

4.  Find the courage every day to take another step.

You will trip and you will fall, you will make mistakes and you will fail, but you have to stand strong through it all.  You live and you learn.  You’re human, not perfect.  You’ve been wounded, not defeated.  Think of what a priceless gift it is to grow through these experiences – to breathe, to think, to struggle, and to overcome challenges in the pursuit of the things you love.  Yes, sometimes you will encounter heartache along the way, but that’s a small price to pay for immeasurable moments of love and joy.  Which is why you must keep stepping forward even when it hurts, because you know the inner strength that has carried you this far can carry you the rest of the way.

5.  Let the disappointments GO!

We grew up building invisible fences from our bad experiences.  But we don’t have to be contained and defined by the things we did or didn’t do in our past.  Some people allow themselves to be controlled by regret.  Maybe it’s a regret, maybe it’s not.  It’s merely something that happened or didn’t happen – an optimistic expectation that got the best of you.  Accept the fact that life is not perfect, that people are not perfect, that you are not perfect, and that there are all sorts of things in this world that will disappoint you.  But most importantly, realize that, just because things didn’t turn out like you expected, doesn’t mean they can’t be better than you imagined.  (Read The Untethered Soul.)

6.  Ignore your fantasies of other times and places.

We all want pretty much the same thing in life.  We want to be happy.  But sadly, so many of us think it lies outside ourselves.  When we’re young we think our happiness lies somewhere in the future, tied to future relationships and activities.  When we’re old we believe our happiness rests in the past, tied to memories of what is already gone.  Both of these beliefs are false.  Happiness can only ever be found right where you are now.

Life is too short to spend at war with yourself.  Letting go of illusions of the past and future is your greatest step to happiness and a life free of regret.  In this moment, there is plenty to smile about.  In this moment, you are precisely as you should be.  In this moment, infinite possibility awaits.  Don’t waste it worrying about what isn’t.

7.  Look at what you have, instead of what you have lost.

The primary cause of unhappiness is never your situation, but your thoughts about it.  And the primary cause of regret is looking back at everything these negative thoughts prevented you from doing.

Truth be told, a day without laughter and positive action is a day wasted.  Even if things aren’t perfect, today is filled with little opportunities.  Everywhere you look, there are small ways for you to make a positive difference.  In little bits of time that might otherwise be wasted, there is a piece of something larger waiting to be created.  String enough of these pieces together, and absolutely anything is within your reach.  You just need to decide what it is you want to achieve.

8.  Share your love openly and honestly with those you love.

No matter what, you’re going to lose people in your life.  Realize that no matter how much time you spend with someone, or how much you appreciate them, sometimes it will never seem like you had enough time together.  Don’t learn this lesson the hard way.  Express your love.  Tell people what you need to tell them.  Don’t shy away from important conversations because you feel awkward or uncomfortable.  You never know when you might lose your opportunity.  (Marc and I discuss this in more detail in the “Relationships” chapter of 1,000 Little Things Happy, Successful People Do Differently.)

9.  Say “goodbye” so you can say “hello.”

In life, goodbyes are a gift.  When certain people walk away from you, and certain opportunities close their doors on you, there is no need to hold onto them or pray to keep them present in your life.  If they close you out, take it as a direct indication that these people, circumstances and opportunities are not part of the plan for the next step of your life.  It’s a hint that your personal growth requires someone different and something more, and life is simply making room.  So embrace your goodbyes, because every “goodbye” you receive sets you up for an even better “hello.”

The floor is yours…

What do you NOT want to regret someday?  What’s something positive you can do today to help avoid this regret?  Leave a comment below and share your thoughts.

Photo by: Ewen Roberts

What would you do differently if you knew nobody would judge you?

Truth be told, no one has the right to judge you.  People may have heard your stories, but they can’t feel what you are going through; they aren’t living YOUR life.  So forget what they say about you.  Focus on how you feel about yourself, and do what you know in your heart is right.

Here are ten things to do even if others judge you for it:

1. Take care of yourself. – Your relationship with yourself is the closest and most important relationship you will ever have.  If you don’t take good care of yourself, then you can’t take good care of others either; which is why taking care of yourself is the best selfish thing you can do.  Read The Mastery of Love.
2. Do what you know is right, for YOU. – Don’t be scared to walk alone, and don’t be scared to like it.  Don’t let anyone’s ignorance, drama, or negativity stop you from being the best you can be.  Keep doing what you know in your heart is right, for you.  Because when you are totally at peace within yourself, nothing can shake you.
3. Follow your own unique path. – Every new day is a chance to change your life.  Work on making life all that you want it to be.  Work hard for what you believe, and keep your dreams big and your worries small.  You never need to carry more than you can hold; just take it one day at a time.  And while you’re out there making decisions instead of excuses, learning new things, and getting closer and closer to your goals, know that there are others out there, like me, who admire your efforts and are striving for greatness too.
4. Lock yourself away from the world and work on your goals. – Dream big dreams, but realize that short term, realistic goals are the key to success.  Success is directly connected with daily action.  The way we spend our time defines who we are.  Successful people keep moving, by doing small things every day that bring them a couple steps closer to their dream.  They make mistakes along the way, but they don’t quit – they learn and press on.  Read Getting Things Done.
5. Adjust your goals and dreams as life changes. – A great deal of pain in life comes from having a specific dream that you’ve fallen in love with, and when it doesn’t work out exactly as planned, you become angry that you now have to pursue a different path.  If you want to tame your inner demons and make the most of life, you must not become rigidly attached to just one specific dream, and remain open to there being an even better, equally as happy path ahead.  Life is unpredictable, but it provides plenty of opportunities to make dreams come true.  Just don’t forget that sometimes taking a positive step forward requires you to slightly adjust your dreams, or plan new ones – it’s OK to change your mind or have more than one dream.
6. Forgive those who have wronged you. – Forgiveness is a gift you give yourself.  Forgiveness is an attribute of the strong and wise.  Forgiveness allows you to focus on the future without combating the past.  To understand the potential of everything going forward is to forgive everything already behind you.  Without forgiveness, wounds can never be healed, and moving on can never be accomplished.  What happened in the past is just one chapter.  Don’t close the book, just turn the page.
7. Show everyone your love and kindness. – If you are reserving your love only for those who you have decided are worthy of it – all strangers excluded – it may come as a surprise to learn that this is not love at all, it is called judgment.  Judgment is selective, love is all embracing.  Just as the sunlight and the wind do not discriminate, true love does not make any such distinctions either.  Love and kindness is a way of living.  Where there is love, there is no judgment.  Where there is judgment, there is no love.  Read The 5 Love Languages.
8. Stand up for others, even if it’s the unpopular thing to do. – Sometimes you will say something really small and simple, but it will fit right into an empty space in someone’s heart.  Dare to reach into the darkness, to pull someone else into the light.  Remember, strong people stand up for themselves, but stronger people stand up for others too, and lend a hand when they’re able.
9. Fight through your failures. – When you are feeling down or dealing with failure, don’t be ashamed.  There’s nothing to be ashamed of.  You are going through a difficult time, and you are still pushing forward.  That’s something to be proud of – that you are fighting through it and slowly rising above it.  Let everyone know that today you are a lot stronger than you were yesterday, and you will be.
10. Keep your head held high and keep on smiling. – Every day of your life is a page of your history.  The only time you run out of chances is when you stop taking them.  Don’t cry over the past, cry to get over the past.  Don’t smile to hide the pain, smile to heal the pain.  Don’t think of all the sadness in the world, think of all the beauty that still remains around you.

Photo by: Ben Smith